Hey there! It’s Karin here. As I enter my 31st week of pregnancy (less than 10 weeks until I meet my baby girl!), I’ve been thinking a lot about childhood confidence. Have you ever wondered why some kids seem naturally self-assured while others struggle with doubt and insecurity?
This topic hits close to home for me. Back in the 80s, I was that kid who was left out – the one who wasn’t invited to parties, who got called names, and felt like I didn’t belong. That experience shaped me, and it’s why I’m so passionate about helping parents raise confident kids today.
Children Learn What They Live
Here’s something we need to remember: Kids are watching us all the time. They absorb our behaviors, our language, and our attitudes like little sponges.
When I see teenagers today with concerning behaviors or language, I always wonder: Where did they learn that? The answer is usually right at home or in their immediate environment.
Children learn 90% by watching and hearing, and only 10% by being directly taught. This means that how you carry yourself, how you speak to others, and how you handle challenges matters more than any lecture you could give.
The Damage of Negative Words
One of the most harmful things we do as parents is using negative language when our children face setbacks. I see this all the time with school grades.
When a child brings home a B or C instead of an A, many parents immediately say things like:
- “Why didn’t you get an A like everyone else?”
- “You must not have studied enough.”
- “Now you won’t get that gift I promised you.”
These responses teach children that their worth is tied to achievement and that anything less than perfect means they’re failures. Is it any wonder so many kids grow up with crippling self-doubt?
A Better Approach
Instead of focusing on the grade, try saying:
- “I’m proud of you for taking this test.”
- “What can you learn from this experience?”
- “How can we work together to improve next time?”
This simple shift in language shows your child that you value their effort, not just results. It teaches them that challenges are opportunities to grow, not proof of their inadequacy.
Creating a Confidence Jar
One of my favorite tools for building confidence is something I call a “Confidence Jar.” Here’s how it works:
- Get a jar and decorate it with your child (make it fun!)
- Cut up small colorful pieces of paper
- Each day, have your child write down something they’re proud of
- Fold the paper and place it in the jar
- On tough days, they can pull out a note to remind themselves of their strengths
This simple practice helps children recognize and celebrate their wins, no matter how small. When they’re having a hard day or feeling doubtful, they have tangible reminders of their capabilities.
I’ve used this with children as young as 10, but it works for any age. Even teenagers and adults can benefit from this practice!
Encouraging Growth Mindset
Confidence doesn’t mean never failing – it means knowing you can handle setbacks. This is what psychologists call a “growth mindset” versus a “fixed mindset.”
When your child faces a challenge or makes a mistake, avoid language that suggests they’re a failure. Instead, use phrases like:
- “You’re not there yet.”
- “What can you learn from this?”
- “How might you approach it differently next time?”
This teaches them that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Their talents are just the starting point!
The Power of Body Language
Did you know that your physical posture can actually change how you feel? It’s true! Teaching your children about body language is another powerful way to build confidence.
My mom always told me to imagine I had an invisible crown on my head when walking into school. This simple visualization helped me stand tall, even when facing bullies.
Encourage your children to:
- Stand straight with shoulders back
- Make appropriate eye contact
- Speak clearly and at a comfortable volume
- Smile genuinely
At first, this might feel awkward or “fake” to them. But over time, these physical habits actually help create genuine feelings of confidence. It’s like a feedback loop – act confident, feel confident, become confident.
My Big Announcement!
All these experiences and lessons have inspired me to create something special. I’m thrilled to announce my new journal for kids and teens called “Dream Big and Believe in Yourself: A Daily Journal”!
This journal includes daily quotes, space for gratitude practice, goal setting, and confidence-building exercises. It’s designed to help young people develop the habit of positive self-talk and dream planning from an early age.
I created this because I wished I had something like it when I was growing up. Instead of writing in my diary about how much life “sucked,” I could have been building my confidence and creating a vision for my future.
Your Turn to Act
Raising confident children doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistent effort and attention. But the rewards are immeasurable – children who believe in themselves, who aren’t afraid to try new things, and who know their worth beyond any grade or achievement.
Here are three things you can start doing today:
- Watch your language – focus on effort and learning, not just results
- Create a Confidence Jar with your child
- Practice positive body language together
Remember, it’s never too late to help build confidence in a child. Whether they’re 5 or 15, these practices can make a significant difference in how they see themselves and their potential.